The "New Normal"

This week we're sharing a piece originally posted last year by one of Hope Cancer Resources' Oncology Social Workers, Lisa Manzini-Pace, LCSW.

The term "New Normal" has a special connotation for people undergoing treatment and/or survivors of cancer.  Without their consent, they have been inducted into an intense and often baffling treatment regimen, one that changes their daily routines, expectations, interactions with others and ability to predict how they will fare during and after prescribed treatments.  This is a daunting trajectory and one best faced in small doses.

As human beings we seek to predict, quantify and control.  These instincts, while often previously successful, can be impediments to smoothly navigating the cancer treatment labyrinth.  Oncologists, who the patient seeks to trust implicitly, are often the first to admit that treatment involves commonalities but that each individual tends to respond in a somewhat unique manner.  The truth is that none of us working with cancer treatment have a crystal ball.  That said, here are a few observations noted by this writer courtesy of cancer patient wisdom and research.

Undergoing chemotherapy and/or radiation will test one’s metal.  Chemo induces various side effects but the overwhelming one mentioned is fatigue.  And a close second is chemo brain.  The former is a bone weary fatigue and the latter is a passing state of impaired memory and clarity.  It is essential that one lower his/her triathlon or quiz show expectations during these phases.  There will be good days and not-so-good days.  Learning to be gentle with oneself is as crucial as any pill one may swallow.  It is an art to be cultivated along with a stalwart sense of humor. 

One’s entire arsenal of healthy coping is there to be used.  This may include but is not limited to eating well, exercise (physical, mental and spiritual), common sense, resourcefulness, courage, compassion (self first!), joyfulness, intelligence, mirth, humility, faith, hope and love.  These are the aspects of you—unlike cells—that cancer cannot touch.  Use them in large doses.

Priorities will change.  Things that once seemed important are relegated to the back seat of the caboose.  To quote Arthur Golden in Memoirs of a Geisha, “Adversity is a strong wind. It tears away from us all but the things that cannot be torn, so that we see ourselves as we really are.”  Most  patients say that such experiences were the awakening of new strength and understanding.

Avoid the naysayers.  Cancer, rather like pregnancy, invites unsolicited confidences from others.  Some will be little gems to be treasured while other “stories” will be about fear, pain and darkness.  You get to choose who you will listen to and who you will wish well and send on their merry way.

Simply, remember that your "new normal" may vary greatly from that of another person who has dealt with a cancer diagnosis. Find your comfort zone and surround yourself with people who are going to help you stay there.