Helping through the Hard Times

Have you ever taken one of those surveys that measures your level of stress? They ask questions like "Have you recently lost someone close to you?", "Have you recently become unemployed?", and "Are you recently divorced?". We use a similar assessment tool to measure the level of stress that new cancer patients are dealing with as they enter treatment. The tool helps our social workers understand what is going on with the patients and their families that could potentially impact their ability to get to their treatments, pay for their medications, and successfully maneuver through cancer treatment to get to the other side and become survivors.

One of the things we ask patients is what kind of support they have from family and friends. A patient has a much better chance of completing their treatment plan and getting to the recovery phase if they are supported by others. This support can be as simple as people sending them notes to remind them they are being thought of, or as involved as a neighbor cleaning their house from top to bottom once a week. There are, of course, a lot of "somewhere in between" options as well. We've scoured the internet and compiled a list of ideas to get you started. Please feel free to share it with others!

• Buy or make a small arsenal of cards and send one regularly. Make sure the messages are upbeat and no so sympathetic that they make your friend focus on their illness. A little humor goes a long way.
• Often the patient feels guilty about making their loved ones go through their difficult situation with them, so reassure them you love them anyway - and do it often.
• Buy them a subscription to their favorite magazines. A Netflix subscription is also a great idea because they can pick up movies and videos right in their mail box.
• Create a "Box of Smiles". Include silly gifts and items that will make the person smile. Favorite snacks, silly tee shirts, humorous books, aromatherapy candles, scented soaps, stuffed animals, tacky celebrity magazines - whatever they would find comforting and fun.
• If the person is bed-bound or in the hospital for a while, send or drop off some fuzzy slippers or socks, high thread-count pillowcases (be sure to label them if they're in the hospital!), lavender scented linen spray, cozy pajamas, or massage lotions to make them feel pampered.
• Spread gifts and visits out over time, especially if the person is chronically ill or will be hospitalized for an extended period. Give them something to look forward to as they make their journey.
• If other family members are on site with the ill person they are probably feeling drained emotionally and physically, too. Include them when you can with a special treat, card, etc.. this is an especially good idea when there are children involved.
• Offer to help with day-to-day needs like providing meals (they don't have to be home-cooked!), doing yard work, walking the dog, or driving the patient to an appointment. Recruit other friends or family members to form a team of support, with all of you joining forces to bring the person's spirits up. You can do this easily on LostaHelpingHands or CaringBridge websites. These sites also provide a place to update all the followers and schedule meals and volunteers to help.
• Make yourself familiar with the patient's treatment schedule and time your assistance around it. For example, the first few days after chemo treatments can be physically difficult and might be the perfect time to drop off a meal, but not to stop by for a visit.
• Take the kids out for a few hours. Many patients don't have the energy to do as much as they did before their illness, so let the patient (and caregiver) have a little time to themselves to relax at home while the kids explore the zoo or the local library.
• Be specific with your offers of assistance. Don't tell the patient "Call me if you need anything." Instead, suggest specific things you can do for them, and ask what days of the week would work best. Check in once a week to see what's going on in coming days that you can help with.
• Listen openly. It is important for a patient to be able to tell others how they are feeling without fear of negative reactions. Friends who can listen and not feel sorry for the patient or make them feel like their feelings are "wrong" are truly appreciated.