"In Sickness and In Health"

In the days leading up to Valentine's Day we are bombarded with images of hearts and flowers, aisles crammed with candy and cards and love-themed gifts intended to prove the devotion of the giver. It's a time to intensify already growing feelings, or to reinforce those feelings that have already been there for a time... It's a time to sell a lot of candy and cards!

But sometimes the feelings that send people scrambling to the local Hallmark store the week before February 14th can be at risk of faltering in the face of illness. The mental and physical fatigue that can result from stress and tasks added to the "to-do" list of a caregiver is potentially devastating to even the strongest relationships. At the very least, it can put the caregiver at risk for needing their own mental health support, and they shouldn't be afraid to ask for it.

We're all capable of imagining the emotions a cancer patient might experience as they embark on their journey of treatment and recovery, but a study published in the Journal of Clinical Oncology and reported on Newsmax.com explored the stress levels of caregivers and found them at risk for their own emotional challenges. Thirteen percent (13%) of the people in the study acknowledged feelings that signaled problems such as anxiety disorder, depression, and post-traumatic stress disorder. It's easy for the outside world to focus on helping the patient as they fight the disease and not realize that a very intense battle is going on in the head and heart of the caregiver as well. Caregivers deal with a multitude of feelings, including:

• fear - of losing their loved one;
  
• anger - about their loved-one's diagnosis and/or for the added burden they they are being required to bear;
• inadequacy - at not being able to do enough to help, or not doing it all well enough;
• grief - for the loss of the "normal" life they were living before the diagnosis; 
• guilt - that they are healthy, or they they are feeling some of the feelings listed above.

The best thing friends and family can do is offer to relieve the caregiver on occasion to allow them some time away from the stress of their duties. For some, it will hard to even admit that they need this help, but it's vital that the caregiver be allowed to need support as well as the patient. It may help to attend a support group for caregivers or to speak to a counselor one-on-one to share fears and frustrations. A good counselor will help them recognize that their needs are important, and that caring for their loved-one is a demanding task - one that requires someone who is also taking care of themselves.

If you are a caregiver and would like information on support groups in your area, check with your oncology clinic staff. Seek out the services of a licensed social worker or counselor to discuss your options for self-care. If you are in Northwest Arkansas you can contact us for assistance. Our licensed social workers are here to help you through this very difficult time - you might meet with them once and feel better equipped for your journey, or you may need someone to offer support on a long-term basis. Either way, we're here to help.

Remember that your love will help your loved-one see light at the end of the tunnel on some very difficult days, but it's okay if it's not enough to keep you from becoming exhausted. Taking care of you will help you take care of them.