Many of us grew up in households where children were not involved in discussions involving money, politics or illness. Today, children are much more involved in the plans and activities of their households, but one thing has remained fairly constant. It's still difficult to know what or how much to tell children if one of their close family members, especially a parent, is ill.
There seems to be a general idea that children don't "need" to know things that might be scary or uncertain. We often err on the side of caution when we don't want to upset children with bad news. But what if, in the attempt to save them from being worried or afraid, we are only putting off an inevitable conversation that may not be any easier later? It doesn't take long for a child to figure out something is wrong when someone they love is spending a lot of time in bed and suffering the effects of chemotherapy and/or radiation.
Keeping a child uninformed may work temporarily, but it can create a lot of added stress in the home.
At Hope Cancer Resources we have materials available that can help parents talk to their children about their cancer diagnosis. They offer potential questions children may ask and provide words that can be used to let children know what to expect throughout treatment and recovery. The bottom line is that
it's okay for a child to be fearful, and to ask questions. It should be okay for them to be angry as well... just as their parents may be. It's how those emotions are handled that is important.
If parents are afraid to have these discussions alone our social workers can help facilitate those potentially emotional conversations. There is strength in knowledge, and children can be a parent's greatest source of encouragement and hope. Even if the prognosis isn't good, honesty can create an environment that is uplifting and healing for everyone involved.
In addition to the one-on-one support and printed materials we have available, we also sponsor a support group that meets for six weeks at a time called
Children's Lives Include Moments of Bravery (CLIMB). It meets a couple of times a year when there are enough interested families signed up. At the sessions, children meet as a group with a social worker. They are allowed to speak freely about their fears and ask as many questions as they like - or just sit quietly and listen if that's their preference. At the same time, parents are in a separate room learning how to help their children deal with the new priorities that may be taking over the family schedule. They are also given suggestions about dealing with their own emotions while remaining open to their childrens' questions. It's a time for everyone involved to become empowered and learn some techniques for stress management.
The next CLIMB session is being planned now for March-April. If you are interested in getting on the list, contact one of our social workers at 479-361-5847. In the meantime, we'll be happy to provide those materials mentioned above... feel free to ask.
